Rise From The Ashes
by FFextraordinary01
Summary: A different start to season 4


Title: Rise from the Ashes

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: a different start to the season

Seeing her showing up at the book signing was a complete surprise, a part of me though was pleased to see her. So overly happy that I just wanted to grab her and pull her into a tight hug.

But another part of me, a larger part, was furious at her.

She had wanted space right after her shooting, space that had turned into three months of silence. No email, text, call, nothing at all. It had been a horrible three months.

Having confessed my love to her as she lay dying was a scene that came back often to me in my dreams. It was certainly not the best time to tell her how I felt.

I would be okay with her not returning my feelings, it would be disappointing but I would get over it. But she was meant to be my friend, my best friend really, and she had just up and left.

I was disappointed in her, as well as furious. I had honestly thought that we were more than just work partners, that we were friends. I considered her to be my friend, but it seemed as if though she didn't think of me as hers.

Leaving the book store I was only mildly surprised to see her waiting outside, keeping my eyes on my feet I walked past her. Steadily ignoring her as best as I could. Right now I had no desire to speak to her.

"Castle!" Her voice called out from behind me.

It was hard not to just turn around and see what she wanted, to talk to her. But I clenched my jaw and balled up my hands, taking another step forward.

Her hand gripped my arm, right under my elbow. Kate Beckett was a rather petite woman, well when she wasn't wearing heels, she didn't exactly have bulging muscles but there was no denying that she didn't have a strong grip.

I yanked my arm out of her grip, spinning around on my heel to face her. I stared down at her silently, biting down on my cheek to stop the words that wanted to come out. They were far from pleasant.

"Can we talk?" Her voice was hesitant.

Soft and cautious, as if though she could see I was about to explode on her if she took one wrong move. But right now, I doubted that there was anything besides a wrong move.

"I don't want to talk to you." I replied as calmly as I could.

"Castle-"

Not wanting to hear whatever she had to say, I decided to cut her off before she could say anything else. Nothing she had to say would be able to erase the last three months.

"I'm done obeying your every wish and whim." I spat out furiously. "You want to talk it will be on my terms."

With that I marched off, putting distance between us was calming me down. Several blocks later and my jaw was finally unclenched, I let out a quiet sigh of relief as the tension left me.

I could have heard her out, but in all honesty I just simply didn't want to. It was probably petty of me, but I shrugged that off easily enough.

Right now all I wanted to do was go home, I would worry about Kate Beckett's reappearance in my life another day.

Saturday evening found me sitting in my office at the Old Haunt, mother was having a get together at the loft. I had managed to escape, but Alexis was unfortunately roped into staying the night.

It was not something that I envied in the slightest, getting up from the comfortable leather chair. I stretched out before closing the lid of my laptop; I had spent the past several hours writing.

Even without a muse I could write, Beckett was inspiring. But she was also a distraction, if I sat down long enough in front of the screen I was able to write without inspiration from my so called muse.

Leaving the little hideaway office I made my way upstairs, the bar was on the busy side this evening. But that wasn't all that unusual for a Saturday night. I spied an empty barstool at the corner of the bar.

Ordering myself a drink of rum and coke, I sat back in my seat watching the crowd. People watching was something that I had been doing for years, there were all sorts of people in the world and watching them when they didn't know could often be interesting.

I was brought out of my musings by someone taking the seat next to me. Glancing in the direction I was surprised to see none other than Beckett. The anger that I had felt last time I had seen her was absent.

All I felt now was weary, tired. Fighting with her was never pleasant. And not being able to see her every day was hard. She was my best friend; even three months of silence hadn't been able to change that.

"What are you doing here?" I asked looking over at her.

Her hair was down and she had a small amount of makeup, but I could see the dark bags under her eyes. Like usual I could feel the concern swelling up in me, I doubted that I would never not be able to care about her.

"I was hoping we could talk." She answered quietly, meeting my eyes for a moment before looking away.

"Fine." I relented.

It would happen sooner or later, and the sooner it was over with the better really. At least then I would know where I stood with her, I was never really certain. Sometimes it was like navigating a tight rope.

"I don't have an excuse for the silent treatment." She began quietly after several moments.

She glanced at me, but I done my best to remain stoic. I had no intentions of interrupting her and I was more than a bit curious as to what she would say.

"It's just-"She carried on before abruptly stopping. "It was just too much all at once."

"Finding out that the Captain was a part of it all, and then him getting killed. All the possible leads left for my mother's case, just suddenly gone."

Her mother deserved justice, but it seemed as if though getting that justice one day would be a hollow victory. But instead of voicing my opinion on the matter, I rather took another sip of my drink.

"And being shot, right in broad daylight. The sniper got away, just like that. How was that even possible, that place was crawling with cops?"

She seemed distracted by her own thoughts, but it didn't take her long to snap out of them. The sniper had been well trained no doubt, it had been a hard shot and then he had not only made it but he had fled the scene successfully. Not leaving a trail behind.

"I've been seeing a therapist, his good. But I have so many issues to work out, like grieving my mom. I never did that, well not really. When it happened I was too busy trying to take care of my dad and after that I just dedicated my life to finding out why it happened."

My heart twinge in sympathy for her, Kate Beckett was a strong woman. But imagining a teenage Kate Beckett trying to come to terms with her mother being murdered and helping her alcoholic father was saddening.

"I want to get better; hiding behind the badge has worked all these years. But I want to be more than just my job, more than her murder. I don't know who I am."

"But what I do know is that you are a part of me Rick, if I need a shoulder to cry on you there, or even for just a cup of coffee. You always there."

"You my person and I don't ever want to lose you, lose that."

We locked eyes in that moment, seeing tears welling up in her large green orbs made me want to reach out to her. Hold her hand or give her a hug, just something to comfort her, but I resisted the urge.

"You my best friend, my partner…"

With those words I couldn't help the disappointment that filled me, I had believed that if she didn't return my feelings that I would be able to get over it. To accept it and move on with my life, but the pain in my heart was something that I had never experienced before.

It seemed as if though there was no moving on and getting over her, Kate Beckett was all consuming. The passion and love I felt for this woman scorched me, it was always there.

"I want more."

I could feel my eyes widening at that, my mouth opening slightly so as to literally gap at her. I was stunned into speechlessness, not something that happened to me all that often. But if there was ever anyone with the ability to make me not be able to utter a word it was this woman.

"I heard you that day, I thought about your words everyday these last three months. I wasn't ready to return them then but I am now, Rick."

"I love you too."

It certainly didn't make things perfect, but it was more than enough of a reason to try even harder to make us work. More than enough of a reason for me to get over whatever negative feelings I may have so as to embrace this woman.

It was enough for now.

FIN.


End file.
